Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
