Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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