No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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