oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
pray to the hookup gods
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
