after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
