i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
