Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
