you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
