I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
