Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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