apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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