I think I am morally bankrupt
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
