College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
