I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
