Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
