I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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