if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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