I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Still dying that you shit outside
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
