Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
