You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
