We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
