Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My friends, they love my intelligence
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
