I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
