I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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