just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
