So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
