yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
3 2 1 whiskey
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
