Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
