remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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