there's paper in my vomit.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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