I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
