Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
