I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
