there was a trapeze. enough said
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
