I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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