Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
