Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
