Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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