LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
