Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
