Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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