There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
