Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
