I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize