Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize