the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
