I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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