you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
