Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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