Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
