hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
