I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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