That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
