yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
