I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Randomize
