Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
