I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
