and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
