my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
