the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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