just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
