I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
