Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fuck appropriateness.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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