They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
