need another drink. this is the easiest way
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
