"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
