The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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