Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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