Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
